Anxiety!!

Long time I was thinking about making this post and long time I was thinking about language I want use. Because there are things I wanna tell you and which I just don't know how properly write in english. My english skills aren't that good at all. But I said to myself "Let's try it"

I wanted to talk about something I was through in my life this year. Some thing that really affected me A LOT. I'm talking about some disease or idk how to call it. For this post let's call it ANXIETY.

It started after I became an employer in O2. First month was OK and everything was great. But then something happened. And I had just a big mental break down. I've started to have terrible thoughts. I was crying almost all days. Then I was whole weekend with my boyfriend and everything was fine again. For another week. They another break down. And then again. Next month I was again in Hradec with my bf and I must say that it was one of the most horrinble weekends I was through. Almost all the time I felt that anxiety. All I was feeling was just fear, helplessness, despair. I was lost in myself. One hour I was ok and they I cried for another two hours. Still repeatig "I don't know what to do with myself. I can't handle this feeling. I'm afraid I will feel like this forever. I don't believe that it may go away one day. I just can't live like this." 

After that weekend I said "enough" and I went to see a doctor. A psychiatrist. I started to take an antidepressives. I was in that stage when I barely eaten some food. I couldn't sleep and one night I even woke up with this feeling that I'm dying because my heart was beating so fast as never before.

It lasted another months than I got really better. Now I feel really good and I'm even thinking about stop taking my antidepressives. I think I can do it now. 

I still don't know how to call this desease. It's not a depression because depression lasts longer and it's not that easy to get rid of it. Well that sounds that I'm saying it was easy to get rid of my disease. It wasn't. But I have a friend and she has a depression and I know that it's something different. She fights with it for years. I fought with it "only" for months. But it were the worst months in my life.

If there is someone with same or similar problem, this is for you: believe that it can get better. I know it doesn't seem like that but it WILL be better. Remember - there is always HOPE.


Sorry for mistakes and for my grammar.